As a kid who grew up in a South Indian family, I was no stranger to criticism. Everyone from uncles, aunts, grandmothers to teachers and students was fluent in the language of criticism. Kerala in particular with its relatively more risk-averse (in terms of wanting to evaluate, discuss and criticise all options before taking decisions) culture has never had a shortage of criticism floating around. As a result I've been fairly fluent in this language - I could criticise peers, teachers, politicians and sport persons alike. As a minor digression my opinion of levels of risk-aversion are as follow: India<South India<Kerala. As I started growing up however, I started realising that criticism can seriously get in the way of taking bold actions and decided to tone down my criticism by an enormous amount (a cynic would argue that I started criticising criticism itself :D ). But I'm currently in a phase of life in which I've started to appreciate criticism again. My current view is that criticism, like most things in life is good in moderation. But defining moderation can be a bit tricky, unlike in the case of say food, in which you know when you're kind of full. There are a few things you could consider before criticising people, things or even yourself.
1. 'Walk a mile in their shoes' : This is a classic view - that you've to go through what the other person experiences before criticising them. Although this is a proverb, I do question its value as a proverb compared to other more universal proverbs. While empathising with someone might help reduce instances where you may criticise, it's easy to go overboard with not criticising anything or anyone since you can never truly see life through someone else's eyes. In addition to this, if you could truly empathise with others you would probably never criticise anyone - but this doesn't make sense as you would stop criticising maybe a Bin Laden on account of his childhood or something. The message here is more to try and empathise with someone before criticising - but there could be more important things to consider.
2. Personal values and consistency: One of the more important things to consider while criticising is whether the thing that you're criticising aligns with the personal values that you have. There are plenty of instances where consistent consideration of personal values helps out the person or thing being criticised. Ultimately, we are all human beings with personalities and we are prone to have different values and associated bias. Thus it is important to recognise that we won't be perfect in our judgement - but as long as we are consistent in criticising or not criticising certain things, others can make use of your opinions easily. For instance, a Rafael Benitez or a Jose Mourinho would probably criticise any team which doesn't defend properly while a Pep Guardiola would be more critical of a team's poor passing. There is a tradeoff however in sticking to a style of criticism - it gives you less leeway to have a range of different opinions. This can prevent your proper appreciation or criticism of anything in a well-rounded manner - a truly ambitious critic may not want to place such restrictions on himself or herself.
3. Impact: The most important thing for me while criticism something is the impact that my criticism is going to have on the thing/person being criticised, the audience and finally me. Is my criticism going to change the person/thing I'm trying to criticise and does it demotivate him or her too much ? What effect is my criticism going to have on the audience - if I criticise the government in front of an audience, will it change the audience's opinion? How do I feel after criticising - does it help me reinforce my own beliefs, am I turning into a more negative person in general and what image do I build for myself with my critical views? If your criticism does not have the desired effect on one of these three things, it would make sense to reconsider.
4. Criticism can eat you soul: There's really no major side effect to the person who appreciates too many things, but criticising too much can cause major sorrow to the critic. You become a cynic and start looking at the negative side of things and have a reduced capacity to take risks or have ambitious goals. A person who criticises too many things too frequently is someone you want to stay away from.
Frequent criticism also tends to make people take your opinions less seriously, especially if your criticism isn't upto the mark.
5. Criticism as a show of power: While not the greatest use of criticism, it is something. When you're in a group and are appreciative of everything, people tend to take it as a weakness. It takes courage to disagree and criticise and hence criticism can be a sign of power. Strongly criticising someone on one's face (this isn't something I'm a big fan of) can make one lose self-confidence and this is something that people use to show dominance.
6. Criticism and love: Criticism is a crucial component of long-term love. You would always have a tendency to change the people that you're committed to, out of love for the person. This is an effort to make the other person change a bit so that you can continue to like him or her.
Criticism of others is also a good way to bond among close friends- while this isn't quite as healthy as a shared appreciation of things, it is almost as important to have a shared criticism.
1. 'Walk a mile in their shoes' : This is a classic view - that you've to go through what the other person experiences before criticising them. Although this is a proverb, I do question its value as a proverb compared to other more universal proverbs. While empathising with someone might help reduce instances where you may criticise, it's easy to go overboard with not criticising anything or anyone since you can never truly see life through someone else's eyes. In addition to this, if you could truly empathise with others you would probably never criticise anyone - but this doesn't make sense as you would stop criticising maybe a Bin Laden on account of his childhood or something. The message here is more to try and empathise with someone before criticising - but there could be more important things to consider.
There are however plenty of scenarios where this is a valid line of thinking to avoid criticism. A good example is how the middle class would criticise the rich (movie stars, sportspeople and corporates) for overspending without understanding how different social circles dictate the amount you spend on things. Overall, this is a logic which seems to make sense but cannot be applied in all situations.
2. Personal values and consistency: One of the more important things to consider while criticising is whether the thing that you're criticising aligns with the personal values that you have. There are plenty of instances where consistent consideration of personal values helps out the person or thing being criticised. Ultimately, we are all human beings with personalities and we are prone to have different values and associated bias. Thus it is important to recognise that we won't be perfect in our judgement - but as long as we are consistent in criticising or not criticising certain things, others can make use of your opinions easily. For instance, a Rafael Benitez or a Jose Mourinho would probably criticise any team which doesn't defend properly while a Pep Guardiola would be more critical of a team's poor passing. There is a tradeoff however in sticking to a style of criticism - it gives you less leeway to have a range of different opinions. This can prevent your proper appreciation or criticism of anything in a well-rounded manner - a truly ambitious critic may not want to place such restrictions on himself or herself.
3. Impact: The most important thing for me while criticism something is the impact that my criticism is going to have on the thing/person being criticised, the audience and finally me. Is my criticism going to change the person/thing I'm trying to criticise and does it demotivate him or her too much ? What effect is my criticism going to have on the audience - if I criticise the government in front of an audience, will it change the audience's opinion? How do I feel after criticising - does it help me reinforce my own beliefs, am I turning into a more negative person in general and what image do I build for myself with my critical views? If your criticism does not have the desired effect on one of these three things, it would make sense to reconsider.
4. Criticism can eat you soul: There's really no major side effect to the person who appreciates too many things, but criticising too much can cause major sorrow to the critic. You become a cynic and start looking at the negative side of things and have a reduced capacity to take risks or have ambitious goals. A person who criticises too many things too frequently is someone you want to stay away from.
Frequent criticism also tends to make people take your opinions less seriously, especially if your criticism isn't upto the mark.
5. Criticism as a show of power: While not the greatest use of criticism, it is something. When you're in a group and are appreciative of everything, people tend to take it as a weakness. It takes courage to disagree and criticise and hence criticism can be a sign of power. Strongly criticising someone on one's face (this isn't something I'm a big fan of) can make one lose self-confidence and this is something that people use to show dominance.
6. Criticism and love: Criticism is a crucial component of long-term love. You would always have a tendency to change the people that you're committed to, out of love for the person. This is an effort to make the other person change a bit so that you can continue to like him or her.
Criticism of others is also a good way to bond among close friends- while this isn't quite as healthy as a shared appreciation of things, it is almost as important to have a shared criticism.
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